


The Case of the Intergalactic Kitten Smuggling Ring

by bltbackwards



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex hates paperwork but loves Maggie, F/F, Fluff, Humor, Kara is a literal ray of sunshine, Kittens, Kittens in little tuxedos, Maggie knows way too much about the DEO to just randomly be in the background a lot, Pam in HR is actually smoking hot, Seriously the definition of femme fatale, bit of a crack fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-16 13:52:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10572636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bltbackwards/pseuds/bltbackwards
Summary: How Maggie Sawyer gained access to the DEO. Because seriously, she just hangs around in the background at her girlfriend’s work. Doesn't she have a job to do??OR Pam from HR needs form 32-A filled out again.





	1. Pam from HR is Actually Incredibly Hot

Alex 'I could kill you with my index finger' Danvers still got butterflies every time she saw Maggie Sawyer's name appear on her caller ID. She wasn’t afraid to admit it. But if anyone repeated it… well, her name said it all.  
  
“Hey Danvers, have you heard anything about…kittens?”  
  
Alex pressed her phone closer to her ear. “Did you say kittens?”  
  
“Yeah, kittens. Some aliens were caught on surveillance stealing kittens from a pet store.”  
  
“What would they want with kittens?”  
  
Alex could almost hear the shrug over the phone. “Beats me. Give me a call if anything comes up.”  
  
“10-4.”  
  
“You can’t see, but I’m rolling my eyes at you,” sighed Maggie. “One more cop joke and you don’t get to pick the restaurant tonight.”  
  
“No, Maggie,” protested Alex with a slight whine. “I booked the tables and everything. You can’t— Wait a second. Are you laughing at me?”  
  
“…No,” replied Maggie’s voice with an ill-concealed laugh. “Okay, maybe a little. But you’re adorable when you’re flustered.”  
  
“Ha. Ha,” came Alex’s flat reply. “I have to go, my samples are about done distilling, but I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

* * *

 

“Winn, have you heard anything about kitten smuggling?”  
  
Kara rounded the corner in full Supergirl regalia with a bright smile on her face. “Did someone say kittens?! Where?”  
  
“Maggie has surveillance footage of a group of aliens stealing kittens from a pet store.”  
  
Kara 'Literally a cinnamon roll too good, too pure for this world' Danvers let out a horrified gasp. “No! Why would anyone want to harm kittens?” Her face softened. “Wait, maybe they just really love cats and are lonely and looking for a friend.” A look of consternation dampened the sunny superhero’s face. “But stealing is wrong, so…”  
  
“Whoa, okay!” Winn 'Float like a butterfly, sting like a pug dressed in a hot dog costume' Schott leaned back in his chair, the backrest bouncing slightly. “The system brought up a lot of isolated cases of kittens being stolen from pet stores and shelters around the city.” The dual monitors in front of the tech started opening a series of windows, all playing grainy surveillance feeds of a group of criminals sneaking out with bundles of kittens in tow.  
  
“Aww, look at them,” fawned Kara, scrunching up her face and wiggling her finger at the mass of tiny furry beings on screen.  
  
“Looks like you can’t see their faces on any of the feeds. I’ll keep doing some digging.” Winn leaned forward and started typing on his keyboard.  
  
“Great, send me anything you find. I’ll look at it tomorrow. Need to finish up early today.”  
  
“Hot date?” teased Winn.  
  
“The hottest,” smiled Alex before turning to leave.  
  
“Oh, hey!” Winn spun around in his chair, tie askew. “Pam from HR wanted to see you. Something about 582’s? And, uh, some other numbers that I don’t remember,” the tech shrugged and spun the pen in his hands.  
  
Alex sighed. “I barely broke that guy’s arm!” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Fine. I have to pick up a visitor’s pass for Maggie anyways,” grumbled the agent.  
  
Being a super secret agent required way too much paperwork.

* * *

 

It was well known around the DEO that Pam from HR was actually, incredibly hot. Girls wanted to be her. Guys wanted to be in her… friend circle. Pam could probably punch an agent and the agent would thank her.  
  
Pam was shuffling papers decorated in colorful post-it note flags when Alex walked into her office. The HR head was outfitted in a tight blouse paired with a pencil skirt and killer heels. Literally killer. Alex has witnessed Pam take down a criminal with only her right shoe when the head of HR used to be an active DEO agent.  
  
Even pouring over mountains of papers, her posture was perfect. Spine straight and shoulders back, which accentuated her… gold necklace. Her perfectly wavy chestnut hair cascaded over her shoulders, looking like she was straight out of a shampoo commercial. There was even imaginary wind buffeting her locks _just so_.  
  
Oh, wait, that’s from an actual fan.  
  
Alex knocked on the door frame lightly. “I need a—”  
  
Without even looking up, Pam handed Alex a partially-filled 32-A form with Maggie Sawyer’s name on it. Sure, Alex loved the cases Maggie and her could work together. (Although, the amount of times their work overlapped had Alex contemplating what the Science Division does that the DEO doesn’t.) But since the detective was not a DEO employee, Alex had to fill out Form 32-A when Maggie came over to her place of work. And Alex hated paperwork.  
  
Form 32-A, as Alex knew extremely well, grants a temporary visitor’s pass that gives Clearance Level 1 access to the building and certain, sometimes partially redacted, files. It was only two pages long, but had to be filled out _every single time_ Maggie came over.  
  
Alex scribbled in the missing information: date, relevant case number, reason, and relevant documents before signing and returning it. Pam looked up, her bright red lips, a color only she could pull off flawlessly, pursed in a straight line. She adjusted her glasses, which framed her brilliantly captivating brown eyes that were lined with a cat eye so sharp she could kill a man (or woman)—They’re sharper than the tactical knife hidden in Alex’s boot.  
  
Seriously, how does she get it so perfect??  
  
“I.D.,” states Pam tersely.  
  
“Come on,” sighs Alex. “We’ve done this a million times. You know it’s me.”  
  
Pam just thrums her perfectly manicured nails on the desk and gives Alex a stare down. The way she moves her hand is captivating, yet suggests that she wouldn’t hesitate to stab someone with those ruby red nails if need be. Alex knows Pam would, all without breaking a sweat.  
  
Alex worked with Pam before the HR head sustained the injury that temporary assigned her to desk duty. Although Pam made a full recovery, she found her true calling working in HR and chose to stay, quickly ascending to the head of the department.  
  
Head of HR at a secret government agency that deals with aliens and other extra-normal operations was a much different job title than the Head of HR at Target. Pam is not only responsible for maintaining the agency’s fake front as a normal corporation, but also setting up fake identities for all agents, acting as the contacts in undercover agents’ phones, and being the point of contact for important figures looking to employ the DEO in a non-emergency capacity.  
  
Pam has a very skilled tongue… in languages. Her ability to mimic accents was unparalleled and she was fluent in ten languages, two of which did not originate on Earth. She thrived in her position. She was the arbiter of interpersonal relations, the master of subtle espionage, and the one who could make your life at the DEO a living hell.  
  
Alex sighed and unclipped her ID badge from her belt. “Here.”  
  
“Thank you, Agent Danvers.” Pam glanced at the ID, then at Alex. She paged through the form and ticked a few boxes. Her wrist flicking the pen was just so _extra…_ (and somehow alluring?) Pam moves her chair closer her desk and types a few lines into her computer. She stamps “approved” in big red letters at the top of the form with pointed force and signs her initials below it, the pen flicking across the paper as if it was a weapon she was _this_ close to throwing directly into your eye without even glancing up. Pam stapled the pages together with finality, a grace in her hands that suggested she could make all your wildest dreams come true… but also staple your head to the wall without so much as a blink your way.  
  
Pam filed away the 32-A form and handed a stack of papers to Alex. “You need to sign these. Property damage claims. Also, the guy who’s arm you broke is suing for use of excess force.”  
  
Alex 'I’d rather be punching bad guys right now' Danvers sighs as she flicks through the pages. “What?! That table is not worth that much. It broke like some cheap pressed plywood put together by a blind racoon.”  
  
Pam shrugs. “They provided the receipt. Nothing I can do about it, Agent.”  
  
An annoyed grunt. “Fine.” Alex signed the pages and handed them back. “How is Sawyer’s permanent clearance coming along?”  
  
“Still processing.”  
  
“It’s been a week!”  
  
“You insisted on trying for a high-level clearance. It’s not my fault you promised your girlfriend a stun grenade.”  
  
“Which you denied,” retorted Alex. “She’s an NCPD officer, not some random civ.” The DEO agent lowered her voice and leaned in. “I lost a bet, what was I supposed to do?”  
  
“The only reason the government lets us have as much freedom as they do is because all of the paperwork is perfect. And I make sure not a single bullet goes uncatalogued. Detective Sawyer does not have the clearance to be issued a stun grenade.”  
  
“I know, Pam. You do great work,” said Alex with a small smile.  
  
Pam raised an eyebrow, easily reading between the lines. “Flattery gets you nowhere.” Alex frowned, but Pam’s face relaxes a fraction. “But, I’ll make a call and see if I can’t speed the process along.”  
  
“Thanks, Pam. I’ll try not to break any tables for a few weeks.”  
  
“Knowing you that’s not going to happen, but thanks for the sentiment,” throws back Pam with a wry grin.

* * *

 

“This place is amazing!” exclaimed Maggie. “How did you even get a reservation? It’s always packed.”  
  
Alex smiled and flipped her hair with fake arrogance. “I know a guy.”  
  
“You asked Supergirl to make the reservation.”  
  
“Wha—? Pff. No,” denied Alex, a telling blush spreading on her cheeks.  
  
Maggie 'I’m a _detective'_ Sawyer raised her eyebrow. “Really, now.”  
  
“Okay, fine. Yes, I asked Kara for a favour.”  
  
Maggie smiles and takes Alex’s hand. “Well I’m glad you did, because this,” gestures the detective with her free hand, “Is _the best_ meal I’ve ever had.”

* * *

 

“Winn found footage of more _cat_ burglars,” grins Alex into her pasta.  
  
Maggie rolls her eyes playfully at the agent’s pun. “Ah yes, the Eleanor Abernathy Case.”  
  
“Aberna— You named your case after a Simpsons character?! And you call me out on puns. Hypocrite much?”  
  
“Okay, first off my partner named the case. And secondly, puns are never good. They’re just always so bad they end up being funny.”  
  
“They make you smile,” chimes Alex.  
  
“Because they’re bad!” The DEO agent took a sip of her wine, and shifted slightly in her seat. Maggie sighed. “You have a bunch of puns, don’t you?” A guilty look passed over Alex’s face. “Fine, just get them out of your system.”  
  
The agent set down her wine glass with a giddy smile. “I was waiting for a _mew-_ ment to use these! So, I put my thinking _cat_ on and wondered why aliens would want kittens. It must be an of- _fur_ they can’t re- _fur_ -se. I mean, it’s _paw-_ ssible that—”  
  
Maggie raised a hand. “I have to stop you there.”  
  
“But I was just getting to the _cat_ -astrophe part,” bemoaned Alex.  
  
“I lied. I can’t take that many puns at once.”  
  
Alex huffed. “Fine.” She took a few more bites of the absolutely mind-blowingly good food. “I left your visitor’s badge at the front desk again. Just have Seth call me up when you get to the DEO.”  
  
Maggie let out a disgruntled sound. “When am I getting full clearance?”  
  
“Pam said she’d try to speed up the processes, but bureaucracy is a bitch. I swear, if I have to fill out one more form I just might lose it and punch a baby.”  
  
Maggie laughed. “Let’s hope the situation never becomes that dire. But, I know Supergirl’s identity and sighed about 60 NDAs. You’d think I could at least walk into your place of work.”  
  
“You can.”  
  
“Yeah, only the first floor. That’s just a bunch of boring offices.”  
  
“I already annoy Pam with the amount of paperwork I generate. I don’t want to make her mad. Trust me. Pam controls more than you think. Plus, she’s got all the dirt on every DEO personnel. You don’t want to piss off Pam.”  
  
“Agent Danvers scared of the paper pushing HR department head? How bad can she be? Our HR head is a balding old man who has an existential crisis every time his dogs don’t cuddle with him.”  
  
Alex looked pointedly at Maggie, trying to properly convey the entity that is Pam. “Pam is nothing like that. Just trust me, she is not to be trifled with. I’ve trained with her. She’s got a mean right hook and isn’t afraid to use it. You’ll see. You’ll meet her when they finally issue you a DEO badge.”  
  
“I look forward to the meeting, then. Plus, I want to see these fancy alien guns you keep drooling over.”  
  
“You need at least Level 5 Clearance to access alien tech. I have Clearance Level 9 and you only have Clearance Level 1. See, you’re down here,” says Alex, waving an open hand just above her meal. “And I’m up here.” Alex’s hand raises to a level above her head.  
  
Maggie smiles, a playful air tugging her lips upwards. “Alex Danvers,” the detective’s voice drops quieter and she leans in closer. “Was that a short joke?”  
  
The scandalized look on Alex’s face was just the reaction Maggie was looking for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: The purpose of the _kitt_ -napping is revealed, smol kittens wearing tuxedos and top hats, and more paperwork is needed before assembling a strike team.
> 
> I love to hear thoughts and feedback below!


	2. Alex is One Punch Away from Getting Free Information at the Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even a government agency has office drama, Kara is too happy to function around kittens, and Alex is obviously Maggie's emergency contact.

Alex ‘Shoot first, ask questions later’ Danvers had an alien pinned to the bar with a pool cue. Frankly, she’s surprised she even had to punch this guy. Everyone in the bar knows by now to just give Alex intel or get strangled by a bar chair. The agent wasn’t complaining though, somehow her paperwork multiplied like rabbits overnight and she spent at least two hours longer than she planned to, to sign off on Pasteur pipettes and round-bottom flasks. It felt good to be out in the field.  
  
“Get this crazy chick off me,” growled the alien, voice restricted by the pool cue pressed firmly at its neck.  
  
“Hey, that’s my girlfriend, you prick. Tell her about the kittens or you don’t want to know what happens next,” scowled Maggie ‘That leather jacket looks ridiculously good on her’ Sawyer. The detective grinned at Alex and shot her a quick thumbs up with an added wink. “Doin’ great, babe.”  
  
Alex beamed back at Maggie before glaring menacingly down at the alien. Its face paled. “Okay, okay. Just get off me!” Alex removed the pool cue, took one step back, and crossed her arms. The alien cleared its throat and brought a hand up to its neck. “There’s this group of aliens. I believe they’re comprised of some Valeronians, Starhavenites, maybe some others I haven’t heard about… And there’s this one from Maaldoria…”  
  
“Slave traders? What do they want with kittens?”  
  
“Ever since most of the galaxy has been connected to Earth’s internets, aliens all over have been desiring the creatures you call cats. They’re willing to pay fortunes to acquire one and participate in the filming of the furry creatures.”  
  
“They’re stealing kittens… to sell as illegal pets across the galaxy?”  
  
“Yes, they very much desire to do the posting of videos to the YouTubes.”  
  
Maggie buries her face in the palm of her hand. “I can’t believe there’s a multimillion dollar, intergalactic, kitten smuggling ring. What has my job come to?”  
  
“Where do they take the cats? Do you have any contacts with members of this group?” demanded the agent.  
  
“N—no.” Alex threateningly raised the pool cue resting in her hands. “No! I swear! They browse the online classifies and take what they want!” Alex scowled and the alien lets out an undignified squeak. “T—they frequent the list site! The one with the generic human name. T—the list!”  
  
“Craigslist?”  
  
“Yes! Craig’s List!”  
  
Maggie rubbed her temples with exasperation. “Let me get this straight. There exists a group of aliens hired by a known slave trading species that kidnap kittens from _Craigslist_ ads to sell for _millions_ of dollars to other aliens across this _galaxy_ for the sole purpose of filming cute cat videos?” The alien nodded in affirmation. “Wow. Okay. This has to be the weirdest case I’ve ever been on.” Alex opened her mouth, but was cut off. “Yes, Danvers! I’m including the bathtub one. This,” said the detective gesturing wildly in space. “Is the weirdest case I’ve worked.”

* * *

 

“If they’re getting kittens past customs what other things can be illegally exported from Earth?” asked Alex, staring down a whiteboard fixed with evidence, a spider web of lines connecting known facts Maggie and Alex had managed to dig up. “Plus, I call this animal abuse. There’s no telling what the varied atmosphere and gravity would do to cats. Do they have little Earth biospheres on their home planet that they keep the kittens in? What do they feed them? Is there also a smuggling ring for cat food?”  
  
“Alex, calm down.”  
  
“But I need answers, Maggie!”  
  
“Yes of course, you’d question the details of owning a cat off-Earth,” smirked the detective.   
  
“Maybe the kittens wear space suits. What kind of carbon dioxide filtering methods do they have?”  
  
“Danvers, as much as I enjoy listening to you talk about the logistics sustaining kitten-life in space, we have…” Maggie paused and took a pointed breath. She still can’t get over how ridiculous this all sounded. “We have an intergalactic kitten smuggling ring to shut down.”  
  
The DEO agent smiled. “That’s not going to get any easier to say, is it?”  
  
“Nope.”  
  
“Then can we call it the Great Disa- _purr_ -ance—”  
  
“No, Danvers.”  
  
Alex huffed, but quickly changed to a small smile, throwing a sideways glance at Maggie. The agent leaned in and placed a light kiss to the detective’s cheek before whispering in her ear in a teasingly sing song voice. “Someone needs to change their _cat_ -titude.”

* * *

 

Kara ‘Seriously what did the world do to deserve such a treasure?’ Danvers skipped through the halls of the DEO building, cape fluttering behind her. “Alex!” she exclaimed happily, waving a bright yellow flyer in her sister’s face.  
  
The annoyed agent pushed the flapping yellow parchment away from her and leaned back from her work on the computer. “How was the fire?”  
  
“Everything’s under control. No one even got a burn!”  
  
“That’s great! So why are you assaulting me with a piece of paper?”  
  
“Pam from HR started handing out potluck invitations!” Alex’s face lit up. “I was the first to get one!” exclaimed Supergirl.  
  
Alex smiled. “Of course you were,” she said batting her sister’s arm playfully. “You always are.”  
  
“Maybe you would too if you tried smiling more,” teased Kara. “Plus, Pam said she’s making double the pot stickers this year. _Double._ ” The superhero was almost drooling.  
  
“Wonder if Janice from Accounting had her potluck ban lifted,” mused Alex out loud. Every since the accountant had ‘accidently’ eaten Pam’s sandwich from the staff fridge, the two had been bitter rivals.  
  
Kara frowned and leaned in close. “I heard there was a big delay on all T-90 forms from accounting this month. I think Janice has a perma-ban now,” recounted Kara in a stage whisper.  
  
Alex made a pained face. “Harsh.”  
  
“Well, when are you getting your invite?”  
  
Alex stretched, the vertebrae in her back popping. “Maggie and I are setting up a sting to catch these kitten smugglers. I’ll have to stop by HR and pick up the necessary forms,” said the agent with a touch of disdain. “Which reminds me, can you stop by Maggie’s in a few minutes? You two need borrow some kittens to set the honeypot.”  
  
Kara’s face lit up brighter than the sun. “I get to pick out kittens?!”  
  
“Yes, well, Sawyer could go by herself, but I thought you might like to help out.”  
  
A delighted squeak left the superhero’s mouth before Kara bolted out the door. Alex was left alone in the lab, a ghost of a smile on her face.  
  
Kara’s happiness was always contagious.

* * *

 

“When was your last physical?”  
  
“A month ago?” came Maggie’s voice over the phone, slightly drowned out by the barking of dogs.  
  
Alex’s pen scratched over the paper. “And you need another emergency contact. It can’t be me, since I’ll be working the case with you.”  
  
“Write down my partner’s name. His phone number is the same as mine but with a seven at the end.” A loud fit of barking interrupted the com. “Hold on.” Alex waited patiently as faint noises played over the phone. “No, Little Danvers put down the dog. We’re here to borrow kittens.”  
  
“But its name is Meatloaf! How cute is that? Just look at his face! How are you saying no to that face?”  
  
“Kara, put down the dog—” A mess of static and incomprehensible sounds was fed into the phone receiver. “No, put down both puppies or I’ll go make you wait outside.”  
  
“You’re no fun.” The phone rustled and scrapped as Maggie returned the receiver to her ear.  
  
“Hey, sorry. I’m back.”  
  
“You tried to take the puppy from Kara, didn’t you?”  
  
“Yeah…” The detective rubbed her arm. She didn’t go into details. Maggie wasn’t going to admit defeat over a puppy. Even if her opponent was Supergirl. “Why do you need all of this info anyways?”  
  
“Arranging a Sting Operation requires paperwork,” ground out Alex. “Since you’re not a DEO employee I have to fill out all of these liability forms.”  
  
“I’ll be on official NCPD business. They’ll cover my legalities.”  
  
Alex sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “I know, but Pam from HR insisted that I fill out a 674 along with the 78-H that I need to get the equipment needed to set our trap, so these 459’s and 19-B’s are just to make extra sure that nothing gets in the way of your permanent clearance.” The agent took a deep breath from her rapid speech. “Plus, her annual potluck is coming up and she makes the best chocolate cake, Maggie. The _best_.”  
  
“I… have no clue what you’re talking about, but I’m not going to sue the DEO if I get injured. Can’t you tell Pam from HR to suck it?”  
  
“The last agent to do that almost didn’t pass the psych eval to clear him for active duty. Pam is the reason Agent Jeffry Ashland prefers to sleep in his _closet a_ nd also the reason the whole department knows about it.”  
  
Maggie inhaled sharply through her teeth. “Okay, maybe don’t tell Pam to suck it. I’d hate to have to sleep in the closet with you. I got out of there years ago and I don’t want to go back.”  
  
Alex’s face scrunches with confusion. “You slept in the clos—? Oh!” The agent chuckles as the joke sets in. “Alright. Well, that was the last question on the form. Are you almost done getting enough kittens?”  
  
“Yeah, we have to visit that one pet shop on the north end, then Kara will take the kittens back her place. Meet you at the Contact Point to canvass the area in say… an hour?”  
  
“See you then, Sawyer.”

* * *

 

“Here’s the approved forms you asked for,” says Alex handing the stack of paperwork over to Pam.  
  
The Head of HR accepts the papers with a small smile. She grasps the pages between her index finger and thumb with measured poise that said she could snap your wrist without chipping a nail. “ID, Agent Danvers.”  
  
“Pam, seriously?”  
  
“There is protocol for a reason.” The DEO agent sighs and unclips her ID badge from her belt. “Perfect.” Pam ticks a few boxes. She stamps the bold, red “accepted” letters at the top of each form with finality before filling the pages away. “That will be all, Agent Danvers. Good luck with your Intergalactic Kitten Smuggling Ring,” remarks Pam, straight-faced, posture not wavering a millimeter. The Head of HR returns to her computer with a slight nod towards Alex.  
  
“It’s weird, I know,” the agent is compelled to comment.  
  
Pam pauses her typing and glances up at the agent. “I’ve seen a lot of cases pass by my desk. The only comment I have to make about _this_ case is that I believe you missed an op- _pur_ -tunity to name it something great.” Pam’s usually straight-laced façade cracks slightly, the edge of her perfectly stained red lips turn upwards a fraction.  
  
“Did you just…?” splutters Alex.  
  
“Good day, Agent Danvers,” says Pam, adjusting her glasses. She continued to carry on as if nothing unusual just transpired. “I look forward to filing these criminals’ arrest papers.” The agent nodded and turned to leave, still in a daze. “Oh, and Agent Danvers. Stop by my office tomorrow, I’d like to extend you an invitation to my potluck.”  
  
“O—of course,” stumbled Alex, still trying to get over the fact that the perfect entity that is Pam from HR just decided to make a pun.

* * *

 

“I think we broke your sister,” says Maggie to Alex, who was busy setting up a hidden camera. “I’ve never seen someone so giddy about a box full of kittens. She was just making squeaking happy noises the whole car ride home. I forgot she was the intimidating force of nature that is Supergirl.”  
  
Alex smiled. She could easily picture the look on her sister’s face. “I’m not looking forward to telling Kara she can’t keep them all. She’s probably named them all by now…”  
  
“Oh, she had names for half of them by the time we arrived at her apartment.”  
  
The agent groaned. “Great. That just makes it harder.”  
  
Maggie chuckled and connected the last of the wires. “Well that does it. We already got a hit on our ad, so let’s go get those kittens. We meet with these aliens in two hours.”

* * *

 

“…And that’s Snickers, and that’s Peanut, and that’s Jellybean,” beams Kara, pointing to the mewling masses of fur.  
  
“You know you can’t keep them, Kara. Why’d you have to give them all names?” sighed Alex.  
  
Kara ‘Ray of sunshine’ Danvers pouted. “Alex,” whimpered the superhero, extending every letter of her sister’s name. “They’re so cute!”  
  
“They’ll go to great, loving families. Your jobs aren’t going to let you have time to take care of a kitten. Besides—” Alex looked down at the large, blanket-lined box full of kittens. She didn’t want to be the bad guy. But when would any of them have time to take care of a bundle of kittens, especially with their busy schedules? “Kara… did you…? Are those tuxedos?”  
  
“It’s their super secret agent outfits! Just look at their wittle bow ties!” exclaimed Kara, giving Peanut a scratch under her chin. “They’re like miniature James Bonds! I even made a top hat for Snickers, but it wouldn’t stay on.” Kara grabbed the small hat and placed it gently on the sleeping kitten and snaped a picture. “What filter do you think looks best? Mayfair really brings out her eyes, but Earlybird gives her that dapper feel.”  
  
“Kara, you cannot post those kitten pictures to your Instagram until we’re done with the sting! It might compromise the mission,” scolds Alex, trying her best not to melt at the site of a kitten in a top hat.  
  
Her sister grins sheepishly and stuffs her phone in her pocket. “Oops.”  
  
The agent drops her voice low, trying to maintain a threatening air. “Kara…” The superhero refuses to make eye contact. “Kara, what did you do?” Alex takes out her own phone and opens Kara’s Instagram. There’s about fifty pictures of kittens in tuxedos. Kittens having a tea party. Kittens snoozing on top of her sister. Alex pinches the bridge of her nose. “Kara…” she sighs.  
  
Maggie chances a glance over Alex’s shoulder. “Those are adorable. Maybe we can use them to attract more buyers.”  
  
“You can’t be taking her side!” shouts an exasperated agent.  
  
Maggie picks up a kitten and snuggles it close. “Danvers, look Jellybean in the eye and say no. The internet deserves to have pictures of this little fellow dressed in a suit.”  
  
Alex’s gaze switches from the kitten dressed in a suit and tie, to her girlfriend, and then to her sister’s dejected puppy dog of a look. She can’t handle it. Even a stone-cold DEO agent can’t handle these levels of cute. “Fine,” she concedes defeat. “You can keep the pictures.”

* * *

* * *

 

“I’m sorry, but I still can’t get over the fact I said the words: You are under arrest for the trafficking of illegal kittens to outer planetary worlds,” snickers Maggie into her beer.  
  
“Well, some very dangerous criminals are behind bars now,” jokes Alex with an air of authority. “This case will require some serious tightening of interplanetary trade and transportation protocol. Some laws may even get rewritten.” Alex made a disgusted face and takes a sip of her own beer. “Glad that’s not my job. Imagine all of the paperwork.” Maggie just shakes her head with a smile and gently squeezes Alex’s hand. “Oh, speaking of paperwork. Pam got back to me. She says your DEO badge should be cleared in couple of days.”  
  
“Then I get to meet this mysterious Pam?” asked Maggie. Alex nods. “And fire that alien gun?”  
  
The agent laughs and kisses Maggie soundly on the mouth. “Yes, you can fire all the guns your heart desires.”  
  
“Perfect,” whispers Maggie, staring into Alex’s eyes, only half talking about the weapons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: The final installment! The kitten smugglers seek revenge, Maggie meets Pam from HR, and Alex cannot escape Form 32-A.
> 
> As always, your comments and kudos brighten my day tremendously. Feel free to write anything below!


	3. Double Toasting Bread Saves Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Maggie are both giant adorable nerds, Maggie 'Your gay is showing' Sawyer meets the show-stoppingly beautiful Pam from HR, and there is always more paperwork to do.

Alex ‘You don’t want to see me without caffeine’ Danvers pressed the toaster lever down again. “Why do you even eat double toasted bagels? Aren’t they just sad, dry lumps of flour?” pokes Alex as she sits down, nursing a freshly brewed cup of coffee.  
  
“That’s why you put extra butter on it. The drier toast absorbs more butter and gives a perfect balance of crunchy and moist.”  
  
Alex wrinkles her nose. “You did not just use that word.”  
  
“It’s in the dictionary, Danvers.”  
  
“So is mastication, but I don’t go around telling people I do it everyday.” The agent takes a sip of coffee. “It’s a purposely misleading word.”  
  
Maggie rolls her eyes and takes the bagels out of the toaster. “For your information those extra few minutes I take to toast my bread has saved lives.” Alex arches a challenging eyebrow. “Yes, I’m serious. I was running late to work one day and decided to eat my breakfast in the car. Those extra two minutes used to toast my bagel _to perfection_ ,” stressed Maggie with a pointed look, “Caused me to get stuck in traffic from a freeway accident. I get a call in about a domestic dispute that’s gone haywire. Guy has a gun, threatening to shoot the whole neighborhood, but traffic is blocking the route to the house. Luckily, I was only a block away from the turn off to the incident location. I manage to get there in mere minutes, calm down the situation, apprehend the gun wielding maniac, and save the lives of a woman and her two children.” Maggie takes a triumphant bite out her double toasted bagel. “And that, Danvers, is why double toasting bread saves lives.”  
  
Alex was in a state of disbelief and amazement. “You accredit that all to double toasting a bagel?”  
  
The detective smiles, lifting her coffee mug in salute. “And because I’m awesome at my job,” says Maggie with a wink.  
  
Alex leans over table and plants a gentle kiss on her girlfriend’s lips. “You’re amazing in general.”  
  
Maggie smiles slowly, blissfully. She leans in to give a kiss of her own when Alex’s phone lights up with all manners of sounds. The DEO agent immediately halts and glances at her phone, her face going from love struck teenager to trained government agent in seconds. “The DEO is under attack.”  
  
“So much for a lazy Sunday,” sighs Maggie. The detective polishes off the last of her coffee and sets the mug down with a final clink. “I’ll get my gun.”

* * *

 

“There’s at least twenty guards outside,” reports Supergirl. “I can’t tell you what’s happening inside because _someone_ decided to line the building with lead,” mocks Kara to her older sister.  
  
“You _know_ that was not my decision,” retorts Alex.  
  
The detective cocks her gun and peers out from behind the nearby car Alex, Maggie and Kara were all hiding behind. “Can we get back to the whole saving your place of work, now, please?”  
  
Alex blows an errant piece of hair out of her face and unholsters her own weapon. “Supergirl, you clear a path into the DEO and Sawyer and I will assess the situation inside. There’s only a skeleton crew on duty today, but I’m sure they’re putting up a fight. Join us inside when you’re done cleaning up the trash out here.”  
  
Kara nods. “Stay safe, you two.”  
  
Maggie grins and points to her Kevlar vest. “Don’t worry about me, Little Danvers. I won’t be a lesbian stereotype.”  
  
Alex rolls her eyes at the detective. “Your closet is fifty percent flannel and fifty percent leather jackets. Not to mention, you’ve literally rented a U-Haul.”  
  
“First off, I look damn good in leather jackets,” Alex can’t help but nod in agreement. “Second, flannel is really comfortable and third, a friend was moving! I only brought that stupid U-Haul to help and wanted you to share in the misery that is assisting someone in moving out.”  
  
The DEO agent smiles playfully and gives Maggie a gently squeeze on the shoulder. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”  
  
“What do you want me to say? Newsflash Danvers, I’m gay! But that doesn’t mean I’m going to be hit by a stray bullet. These lesbians,” gestures the detective between them, “Are going to live.”

* * *

 

Alex lands a solid elbow strike to the nose of a mercenary, causing him to stumble back, clutching his bleeding face. Maggie back steps a few paces from her own fight and extends her leg, causing the guard to fall flat on his back. The DEO agent is quick to silent his cry of surprise with a trained pistol whip to the temple. Maggie’s own opponent yowls in pain as the detective twists his arm before landing a solid punch to the side of his face.  
  
“Whoever hired these guns, sorely underestimated the DEO,” grins Alex, flexing her fingers, ready to punch some more intruders.  
  
“They had enough cash to hire plenty of soldiers—alien and human,” comments Maggie.  
  
“Kittens are a _purr_ -icey business,” quips Alex. Maggie just sighs and rolls her eyes.  
  
After the two had ran into the building, with Supergirl providing cover, they learned that the Intergalactic Kitten Smugglers had deeper ties than originally thought. Word got out of the arrests and the head of the illegal kitten traders hired enough mercenaries to storm the DEO building. Which, if Alex, Maggie, and the rest of the DEO had anything to do about it, would ultimately fail.  
  
“The first floor is nearly clear,” reports Alex, casually stepping to the side as Agent Vasquez throws another soldier into a desk, with a shout of “I wasn’t even supposed to come into work today!”  
  
“Let’s head upstairs,” says Alex, the situationally programmed air of command unconsciously clipping her words. “Kara should be close behind.” Maggie nods, and follows behind the agent.

* * *

 

“Holy fuck,” exclaims Maggie in breathless wonder. “Who’s that?”  
  
Alex and Maggie had managed to fight their way up to the second floor, leaving unconscious and groaning figures in their wake. Only to find everything was well in hand. Because amongst the overturned desks, scattered papers, and broken lamps was Pam beating the living daylights out of a group of intruders, holding nothing but… was that a stapler? Yes. A simple, government issued, black stapler.  
  
Pam reaches her arms around one soldier’s head and slams his face mercilessly into her knee, all with the poise of a ballet dancer. She spun around and ducked under an incoming strike, lashing out low with the open stapler and sending a bit of metal directly into another man’s shin. There’s a look of unadulterated joy and concentration on Pam’s flawless face as the HR head uses the momentum of surging upright to deliver a mean uppercut to the intruder’s chin.  
  
“That,” says Alex with pride, “Is Pam.”  
  
Maggie’s jaw is on ground. She’s not sure if she should feel threatened or incredibly turned on right now. “Pam… from HR?!” The agent nods. “Alex, you never told me Pam was…” Maggie ‘I’m so very gay’ Sawyer splutters, gun lax in her hand, mesmerized by the viciously beautiful whirlwind before her. “You never told me she was _hot_!” the detective manages to exclaim.  
  
Alex shrugs. “Never thought it was important.”  
  
“Well…” struggles Maggie, mouth opening and closing, but no words exiting. “Well it is!” huffs the detective, still trying to regain control over her beating heart and vacant brain.  
  
The agent can’t help but smile at Maggie’s flustered face. She’d never seen the detective so lost for words. “Should I be jealous?” jokes Alex.  
  
Maggie straightens, finally gaining traction in her composure. “Not at all, babe. But I imagined Pam to have oversized Christmas sweaters with chocolate frosting stains not… _that_ ,” stresses the detective, gesturing wildly over every aspect of Pam. “You’re surrounded by _so many_ pretty women at your work. I’m honored your gay awakening waited for me.”  
  
Alex beams at the detective and gives Maggie a quick kiss on the lips. “It took a special kind of woman.”  
  
A loud cracking noise interrupts the moment and the two glance up at Pam, still not a single luscious lock of hair out of place, send her forearm into the twisted locked arm of the last mercenary, resulting in a definite broken arm. The soldier screamed in pain and fell to the floor, where Pam knocked him unconscious with a measured blow to the head.  
  
Alex frowns and crosses her arms. “Isn’t that considered use of excess force?” quips the agent.  
  
Pam looks up, perfectly red lips arching into a smile. “I doubt he’ll be filing claims against me anytime soon. Plus, it’s all in self defence.” The HR head takes a moment to straighten her form-fitting V-neck. Maggie tries her best to obey the _“Her eyes are up there”_ mantra playing in her head. “I didn’t see you two lending a hand.”  
  
“You looked like you had it covered,” smirked Alex.  
  
Pam smiled, closing the stapler in hand and placing it back on the desk, adjusting it to perfection despite the overturned computers and paperwork surrounding it. “Yes, well, it has been quite a while since I’ve seen any real action.”  
  
Maggie internally combusts again. The detective reprimands herself because of course she’s talking about field work action. Not… that action.  
  
“Terribly, sorry,” Pam’s voice breaks through Maggie’s scattered thoughts. “I’m Pam. You must be Detective Sawyer.”  
  
The detective takes Pam’s offered handshake and Maggie hopes her palms aren’t too sweaty. She’s in awe of the silent power that radiates from Pam’s firm grip. Soft, yet dangerous, the black ring resting on Pam’s right middle finger biting ever so slightly into Maggie’s own hand. “It’s nice to meet you,” manages the detective. She’s proud her voice doesn’t waver.  
  
“Likewise. Agent Danvers has told me quite a bit about you.”  
  
“Oh,” says Maggie, unsure of how to respond.  
  
“Nothing bad, I swear!” Alex is quick to mention.  
  
Pam nods in agreement. “It’s actually quite fortunate you two are both here.”  
  
Maggie smiles. “I wasn’t going to let Alex protect the DEO on her own.”  
  
“Yes, I’m sure your skills were very much appreciated today. But aside from that, I’d like to extend you an invitation to my potluck, Detective Sawyer.” Alex’s eyes went wide. A non-DEO employee at Pam’s coveted potluck was unheard of.  
  
“You have to say yes,” insists Alex. “I told you, Pam makes _the best_ chocolate cakes.”  
  
Pam smiles, as if recounting an inside joke. “Yes, I am quite the ace baker.”  
  
“Of course I’ll be there,” agrees Maggie.  
  
“Great! I’d hand you a flyer, but,” the HR head glances around at the scattered papers and general chaos. “Everything’s a tad disorganized at the moment.”  
  
“Alex!” interrupts a relieved shout. “You’re okay!” says Kara, enveloping her sister in a tight hug. The two break apart and Kara bounds over to Maggie, embracing the detective in a equally fierce hug. “You too!” The superhero glances up and gives a jovial wave to Pam.  
  
“We’re all fine here,” says Alex. “How is everyone else?”  
  
“Agent Hays has a through and through gun shot wound in his upper arm, but besides that, there’s only a few scrapes and bruises.” Kara scrutinizes her sister’s pose, making extra sure Alex was alright. “We’re almost done cuffing and sending everyone involved to the police station.”  
  
Alex sighs. “I suppose I should help with the clean up.” She glances at Maggie, a pleading look on her face.  
  
Maggie groans. “I sighed up for punching some bad guys, not sweeping floors. I don’t work here. I don’t even have clearance here!”  
  
“That reminds me,” starts Pam. “Corporate called and said there was a hold up on your permanent clearance. Some intern lost a form.” The HR head shook her head, disappointed. “I color coded everything for them and they have the audacity to lose my work.”  
  
“I just helped save the DEO! That’s got to grant me at least level six clearance on the spot,” Maggie protested. “Don’t they have a Ride or Die clause?”  
  
“When your honorary badge does come through, I’m sure you will have a sufficiently high clearance level” agrees Pam. “You might even be offered a part time position.” Maggie grinned, proud. “But this incident generated _a lot_ of paperwork, so your request might be delayed even further. If you want to visit before all of that gets cleared up…”  
  
Alex groaned. “Let me guess. Fill out form 32-A,” she grumbled.  
  
Pam smiled and pushed her glasses into place. She brushed a hand through her hair, somehow smoothing it to even greater levels of perfection. “Precisely. Form 32-A. And don’t forget your ID, Agent Danvers!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so very much for reading, and an even larger shout out to all those who left kudos and comments! It was such a blast writing this story in all its strange head cannon glory. Who knew a crack fic about busting an illegal kitten trading operation could get so much love?


	4. Epilogue- Don’t Crash Pam’s Party if You Want to Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pam’s coveted, famous potluck with a side of portal hopping aliens. Alex and Maggie are adorable together (an everlasting truth), Pam is amazing (as always), and Kara loves kittens (What’s new?).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied. There’s one last chapter. I couldn’t let this fic go without a fight (literally and figuratively). I love Alex and Maggie banter with undertones of domestic fluffy ease and I love the version of Pam I’ve created too much.

Alex ‘You’re dead if you touch my cake’ Danvers placed another helping of food next to her two unfinished slices of chocolate cake.  
  
“This was so not what I expected,” said Maggie, taking small portions from every dish of food, arranging them neatly on her plate.  
  
Alex took a generous bite out her cake, eyes rolling back in pure bliss. “Pam has the best potlucks,” remarked the agent, mouth still half full of the delicious baked confection. “The month leading up to this was intense. Everyone who hadn’t got the first wave of invitations were practically strangling each other to get one.”  
  
“I can see why,” remarked Maggie, taking in the long table of Instagram worthy foods. Perfect deviled eggs sat next to a salad that looked like every leaf was positioned with a precise hand. The dessert table seemed to sparkle, looking like something straight out of Candyland. Tiers of immaculately frosted cakes and darling floral cupcakes framed a silky chocolate fountain equipped with a colorful arrangement of fruits. The smell of grilling hamburgers wafted through the air, each burger coming off the grill looking ready to shoot a food commercial. Off to the side was fully stocked open bar, staffed with a bartender straight out of a magazine. Suit vest and bowtie with not a single crease out of place. His crisp white shirt didn’t sport a single blemish or ever lose its just pressed look. And man, could that bartender whip up a good cocktail. If the Old Fashioned Maggie ordered was anything to go by, that man added some sort of magic to his drinks.  
  
It felt like something out of a starving man’s hallucination.  
  
Not to mention Pam’s house was like a mansion. The potluck was held on her immaculately groomed lusciously green lawn, which sat next to a deep blue infinity pool, filled with a handful of agents enjoying the water and sun.  
  
“Not to be nosey, but how did Pam afford this place?” asks Maggie, sitting down at one of the many tables situated outside.  
  
Alex grabbed one more slice of cake before joining Maggie across the table. “No one really knows. There are some rumors going around that she used to be an international spy. Made big bucks that way. Others attribute it to a sugar daddy... but those who actually know her would dismiss that theory quite readily.”  
  
At that moment, Pam sat down next to Maggie, a yellow and orange cocktail in hand. “The truth is more boring than the rumours.” She adjusted her sunglasses with a wry smile. “Just between us three, I played the stock market and got lucky.” Maggie ‘Did I mention I’m so very gay’ Sawyer spluttered and choked on a mouthful of delicious pasta.  
  
Pam was going to give Maggie a gay heart attack one of these days. The HR head was her usual composed and confident self, lightly gripping the cocktail glass with the poise of someone born into the role. She was wearing a pair of skinny jeans that hugged all the right places, an immaculately disheveled white shirt and navy blue blazer, sleeves rolled up just to her elbows, and accented it all with a loose tie.  
  
Alex regards Pam with a cautious look, surely the international spy rumour was closer to the truth than playing the stock market. Come on, have you _seen_ Pam?  
  
Maggie’s brain finally reboots from the sudden appearance of such a stunning woman. “Thank you for inviting me,” says the detective. “I never thought a corporate party would be so… impressive.”  
  
“The pleasure is all mine,” smiles Pam, lifting her glass in salute, the black ring on her finger glinting in the sun, before taking a sip. Maggie can’t help but be entranced by the way Pam’s perfect red lips form to the rim of the glass. She’s shaken out of another internal gay meltdown™ when Alex’s boot lightly strikes her shin. The detective looks up at the agent and smiles bashfully. Alex just laughs softly and rolls her eyes before taking another bite of cake. She understands.  
  
Pam set down her glass on the table and reached into her blazer pocket. “Detective Sawyer, welcome to the DEO,” she smiled and slid a plastic ID card across the table towards Maggie. “Here’s your honorary badge. It grants you level six clearance throughout the building. On behalf of the entire DEO I’d like to thank you for all of the quality work you’ve done assisting the department. We hope you continue lending your valuable skills to our team.”  
  
“Finally!” exclaims Alex, digging into her meal with renewed gusto. “No more 32-A forms!”  
  
Pam arches a pristinely shaped eyebrow at the agent. “Paperwork is there for a reason,” remarks the HR head, but relaxes slightly and continues, “Although, yes. It will be one less form I must decipher Agent Danvers’ sloppy handwriting on.”  
  
Alex huffs. “I’ve filled out plenty of forms with good handwriting,” she protests.  
  
“You’re a doctor, babe” quips Maggie. “I’m pretty sure you inherit bad handwriting when they hand over your diploma.”  
  
Alex is about to retort when Kara slides into the seat next to her, plate covered in a small mountain of potstickers. “These are even better than last year!” praises Supergirl, mouth stuffed with food. She looked less like a superhero and more like a chipmunk storing away nuts for the winter.  
  
Pam laughs and gets up from the table. “You’re very kind. Please, eat as many as you’d like. I always plan the party with Supergirl’s appetite in mind.” Pam picks up her drink and strolls away with a cheery “Enjoy yourselves!”  
  
A loud crack causes the group to glance over to a section of lawn were Agent Vasquez is brandishing a stick and whacking the ever living _shit_ out of a piñata. The papier-mâché gives way and spills its candy guts onto the grass. Agent Vasquez rips off her blindfold with a triumphant grin.

* * *

 

It’s around Alex’s third, probably-crafted-by-the-gods, Irish Buck and Kara’s insistence to do a karaoke duet with her when chaos strikes. A yellowish green, glowing portal opens up in the middle of the celebration, directly above the chocolate fountain and a congregation of aliens pour out. Their heavy combat boots trample all over the dessert table and Alex sees red when the chocolate cake is squished underfoot. Maggie places a steadying hand on her girlfriend’s arm.  
  
The leader of the alien group brandishes the gun slung on his shoulder. “Give us the kittens.”  
  
There’s an exasperated sigh and Alex turns to see Pam walking casually up to the group of aliens. “Didn’t you learn your lesson last time?”  
  
“We demand you hand over the kittens,” barks the head alien.  
  
“The recovered kittens are safe within my house,” says Pam, crossing her arms and striking a pose to rival that of Supergirl.  
  
Kara shuffles up to Alex and Maggie and whispers, “Kittens? She didn’t tell me she was fostering the recovered smuggled kittens!”  
  
“Don’t you have x-ray vision? Couldn’t you have just seen them? Or heard them?” asks Maggie.  
  
“It’s rude to look inside people’s houses without permission,” pouts Kara. “Pam deserves her privacy. Why, do you want me looking in when you’re with—”  
  
“No!” quickly cuts in Alex with a whisper hiss.  
  
Their attention returned to Pam and the aliens. “You were not invited to this party and you will not obtain the kittens,” commands the HR Head, standing firm.  
  
“Then we will take them by force,” threatens the alien leader.  
  
Pam smiles, full of mischief, and reaches into her pocket. She presses a button on a remote and a metal locker rises from the far end of the lawn. It springs open to reveal an assortment of weapons, both alien and human-made. Pam grins as easy as if she were telling a joke with her friends at a bar. “Good thing,” starts the HR head, rolling up her sleeves further, “That the DEO has an ace up their sleeves.”  
  
Without a drop of hesitation, Pam delivers a solid uppercut to the alien’s midsection. The leader doubles over gasping, an errant bullet firing into the air. That action snapped all the agents out of the confused stupor and everyone jumped into action. Portal hopping aliens demanding kittens at gun point? Just another day in the life of a DEO agent.  
  
Alex, Maggie, and other nearby agents book it to the weapons locker while the remaining agents pick up the nearest makeshift weapon. Agent Vasquez yells, “It’s. My. Day. Off. You. Bastards!” punctuating each word with a brutal hit from a piñata stick. Agent Williams, who was by the grill, flings a spatula full of hot coals at the face of the nearest alien. Even the bartender brandishes a bottle of spirits and breaks in over an alien’s head, alcohol and glass shards showering the alien’s nearby companions. Of course Pam would hire a bartender who also had combat skills.  
  
Kara’s heat vision and freeze breath make quick work of a sizable portion of the alien army. Their bullets harmlessly plink off of Supergirl’s body as she quite literally dashes into close-quarter combat.  
  
Maggie picks up the first gun her hands rest on, a pistol with minimal detailing save for twin glowing stripes on each side. Without hesitation, she spins to face the main fighting, aims, and fires. An arc of blue electricity blooms across her intended target’s chest and the intruding alien immediately drops to the ground. The detective’s face breaks into one of unadulterated joy. She turns the pistol around in her hand, inspecting it like a child in a candy store. “Oh, I got dibs.”  
  
Alex ops for a larger rifle and lands a good handful of bullets into unsuspecting kneecaps. “Pam isn’t gonna let you keep that.”  
  
“I have clearance now,” retorts Maggie, pistol whipping an alien that charges her, before shooting it in the crotch.  
  
Alex ducks behind the weapons locker as a bout of gunfire erupts from the crowd. “Maybe with the right paperwork she’ll let you keep it.”  
  
“Being in the police force is pretty much just filling form after form. I think I’ve got enough practice.”  
  
The agent shrugs and pops out from under cover to fire a few pot shots. One alien goes down. “When Pam hands you a novel to fill out, don’t say I didn’t tell you so.”  
  
Maggie grins. “Unlike _some_ people, I’m not allergic to paperwork. Challenge accepted.” The detective motions her head and the two move in unison to the next bit of cover, an overturned table closer to the main fight. Maggie notices an opening and tucks her new favourite pistol into her belt before lunging into hand-to-hand combat. Alex joins close behind, falling into an easy rhythm of punching baddies next to Maggie.  
  
The agent trips another alien with a sweep of her foot before ramming the butt of her rifle into the alien’s temple and a triumphant shout of “That’s for destroying the cake!”  
  
Somewhere in the chaos, Pam decks an alien with a croquet mallet and slides up behind Alex. “Nice work, Agent Danvers,” says the HR Head.  
  
Alex nods tersely, taking a moment to brush her hair back from her face. “Likewise.”  
  
“Detective Sawyer is certainly a formidable force,” compliments Pam, nodding her head in the direction of Maggie, who followed a gut punch up with an electric shot to an alien’s face.  
  
Alex beams with pride. “That’s my girl.”

* * *

 

“Talk about party crashers,” says Maggie, surveying the carnage left by the invading aliens.  
  
Pam looks around her lawn with little worry despite the fact that there were chairs floating in the pool and all manner of cakes, pasta, and sauces decorated the overturned tables and green grass. The HR Head straightens her tie, the only thing on her being that seemed to get remotely messed up from the fight, and pulls out her phone. “I know some people. They’ll have this place looking brand new by the end of the day.”  
  
“You sure you didn’t want to detain any of them?” asks Alex, trying to pick out bits of spaghetti from her hair.  
  
Pam finishes composing her text, immaculately manicured nails dashing across her phone’s screen. “I’m sure they won’t be back.”  
  
Kara speeds over to the trio in a gust of wind. “You never told me you had kittens!” squeaks the superhero.  
  
Pam regards Supergirl with amusement. “The kittens that were being recovered from the smuggling operation needed a safe place to reacclimate to Earth before being put up for adoption. I figured that my house would be more than sufficient.”  
  
Kara bounces on the ball of her feet, unable to contain her excitement. “Can I go visit them?”  
  
“Second floor, far west end.”  
  
The superhero runs off with a delighted squeal. Alex’s phone pings seconds later. The agent glances down to see a Snapchat of Kara, the biggest smile on her face, surrounded by multiple kittens.  
  
“I gotta say, booting aliens back through their own portal has been the most exciting work party I’ve ever attended,” grins Maggie. “Normally the most exciting thing is Detective Harris getting too drunk, hitting on anything with legs, then getting slapped into yesteryear. But this, this really takes the cake.”  
  
Alex frowns, glancing the trampled dessert table. “Too soon, Maggie, too soon.”  
  
“If you have time to visit the DEO tomorrow, Detective Sawyer, I’ll be sure to have a chocolate cake ready to celebrate your first day as an honorary DEO member,” offers Pam.  
  
Alex turns to Maggie with her best impression of Kara’s puppy dog plea. “What do you say?”  
  
“Of course,” Maggie smiles gently and grasps the fabric of Alex’s shirt pulling her down into a kiss. “Anything for you, babe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. (For real this time.)
> 
> EDIT: Kidding. I can't stop writing about these dorks. There's a small(ish) 1,000 word drabble written in the comments as a sort of epilogue to the epilogue if you're keen on checking that out. (It's pretty much Maggie freaking out over how sexy Pam is and Alex finding it amusing)
> 
> Thanks again for all the kudos and comments, it truly means a lot to me that people enjoyed this silly little ditty of a story.


End file.
